Meet Hovis: The Equine Champ with a 'Knee-jerk' Reaction to Life
Ever wish you could peek into the humorous mind of a horse? One that's filled with a delightful cocktail of drama, neuroses and melodrama? Look no further than Hovis, the equine superstar of our time. This laugh-out-loud diary entry from Hovis himself is a testament to his larger-than-life character.
The Horse, The Legend
You know you're in for a treat when Hovis starts his diary by lamenting how he's probably listed on sale sites for free, thanks to his recent shenanigans. This beloved behemoth is no stranger to finding himself in the doghouse - or should we say stable. And while his canine counterparts may be content with a spot of mischief, Hovis likes to go big or go home - a motto he's certainly lived up to in his recent escapades.
The Dramatic Hairy Protest
Having seen 'mini-mother' shower attention on the puny ginger, Hovis couldn't help but see red. Nothing gets a horse's blood boiling like seeing someone get undeserved praise, right? So, he took a leaf out of his human counterparts' book and decided to stage a protest. Hovis, however, isn't one for half measures. Our superhero horse staged a full-fledged sit-in, melodramatically groaning his way into a muddy field, causing a mini heart attack in the process.
Resurrection And The Shower Scene
Upon realizing that his 'playing dead' act might result in a public display of life-saving mouth-to-mouth attempts, Hovis wisely rose from the dead in true Lazarus fashion. While his muddy state demanded immediate hosing down, his next reveal no less gave his mother an aneurysm - he'd been chewing his own knee. This prompted an amusing spectacle that might have come straight out of a wild west showdown, resulting in 'crazy self-employed lady' getting the clippers and Hovis' beautiful mane taking a hit.
Consequences of Hovis' Knee Chew Protest
So, mother has maybe overdosed on painkillers and wine, and Hovis fears he may get launched into space or end up on the news as a free giveaway equine. To be fair, ending up as a pit pony appears to be a far cry from Hovis' free-spirited nature. Given his melodramatic and neurotic persona, we fear for the poor mining pit!
The Equine Comedy Genius
While we enjoy a good laugh from our horsey hero, we should also spare a moment for his scandalized mother, who probably never thought her equestrian journey would involve so many adventures. But hey, throwing shoe tantrums, mooning over jealousies, and fake-death protests are nothing for this equine stand-up comedian - in fact, it's another day in the life of Hovis!
So, if you're ever feeling down or in need of a hearty chuckle, remember our bulky hero, Hovis, who can kick like Chuck Norris and fake his own death like a pro. But amidst all this hilarity, let's not forget one thing - no matter how many times he 'sells' Hovis on buy-and-sell sites, we know that mother and Hovis are inseparable. After all, who else could put up with such a dramatic, loveable neigh-ball?
Reference: Hovis' Friday diary: 'I could put you on the moon without the aid of a space craft', Horse & Hound.
